*accident ???!@#$%^&*()..

Tell me it's an accident...


The first time I heard that name, I was like totally freaking out !!...


I can barely escape from being ur partner...


but, time passes by...


this partner thingy stucks on my head...


after the moment...


still thinking about u...


the beauty that God made u so...


inside..


and outside.....


sweetheart...


can u please !!...get out of my head....


for 1 day ??..


just for tomorrow ???...


coz i can't really bare the pain...


the pain to hold back...


to keep silent...


I know that I was born this way...


nothing special at all....


in contrast,


u're like superstar...


with all that red carpet stuff....


and that blinky, shiny ,glowy jewelry...


u glance at me , that's when my world turned upside down....


one thing I'' never forget...


the day u pimp myself up !!...


I was the most proud guy at that room....


coz, i know it ain't my work...


instead...


its ur work dressing me over...


and i'm thankful of it...


we also shared alot...


all the attitude...


I don't give a damn about it...


as long we connect...


but now...


this sorry-ass dude got u bored...


I'm gonna chill out a day and see u at the next...


hope this ain't goodbye...


this is a retreat to bring us closer...


to make us deep...


ya know what I'm talking about ??


I'm sure u knew...


but the question is ??...


did u know about this ??...


let it be my inaudible whisper...


just so u know......

*where is the dead end ???

hav u ever being too afraid to lose sumone ?...


finding urself reminiscing the good old days...


hav u ever cryin bcoz of sumone that ain't yours ?...


curling up under the blanket,with eyes full of tears....


i have....yes i do..


giving up everything...


just to play the antagonist in her love story...


care bout no others...


only to realize that she was made for him...


only pain wait aheads...


tears is what you have...


no love at the end of the road...


but that was love is...


no love is a real sweet one...


from the very start...


now i realize that...


keep waiting for them...


but back off a little...


is a proof that we still love them right ??...


but still ain't a right word...


coz, i don't know when the feelings end....


or it would ever end....

*day ???....

i don't know...

after all this time...

i just feel that...

it really is the better way...

to pretend and keep on pretending like this...

i don't wanna ask...

coz in the end ..

it's always about him...

still...

it's ok...

i promised...

that i'll be fine...

i just need u to promise me...

dont pity me too much...

thats all...

can u do it...

i'm sure u can...

*day 7...

noooo....

SAT is ulitimately hard....

goshhhh...

gotta work real hard...

LoL...

not much to tell today..

it was just like yesterday...

nothing special...

but 1 thing is for sure..

that my feelings...

ain't fade..

still the same...

in fact..

it's getting stronger...

hmmm...

is this a just a feeling or ...???

whatever the answer...

i'd just let the time answer it...

right ???...

not much i can do..

but at the time like this...

i tried to listen to others problem...

tried to counsel them...

based on my experience..

i learnt here...

that people suffered far worst than me...

and i'm thankful for my circumstances....

whatever it is...

though i'm still struggling now...

but...

one day...

when the pain gone...

and when i open my eyes...

wake up from this terrible nightmare...

please....

be the first one that i see...

the first one in my sight....

*day 6...

cool day..!!!

though there's a cube of bitterness..

i still finish today's "coffee of life"....

coffee...

what a drink....

sometimes it tastes sweet..

sometimes it tastes bitter..

perfectly suited how life is...

LoL...

anyway...

a real cool day....

i've heard a lot of noise from her "gangs"...

saying that she gaves some signal or whatsoever...

later on..

i just act like ussual...

u know...

i really had this big questionmark....

how is my treat to u supposed to be ???..

bcoz...

i can't leave it like this...

the pain goes on..

though it's bearable...

it's still hurt somewhere...

but...

i'll be fine...

for now...

whatever...

lets put it aside...

i tried to find some distraction...

for instance...

playing basketball at night..

WOW...

guess it works...

but when i stop play...

that cloud comes again....

LoL..

i guess i still can't left it just like that....

it's ok...

i'll live carryin those clouds...

guess that's it for today...

*day 5...

pretty boring day...

with a lot of vacant time...

dunno what to do...

but somehow...

i managed to realize something different in her face today...

her eyes looked so red...

gosh...

looks like she's been droping her tears all night long...

i asked her...

she said yes...

then i asked why ??..

she refuse to tell me...

i kept pushing her to answer me ...

at the end...

she ended up lying to me...

she said that it was in the morning her eyes got dizzy...

so she scratch over it...

it was a "bull" right...

i know deep inside...

she was hurt..

by whatsoever....

man...

what can i do to help her ??...

i was just standing there..

refusing to accept what she said to me...

it was like trying to eat something inedible...

i really really don't want to see her cryin right now...

somewhere it hurts...

i feel like ..

i wanna cry with her...

stays with her in the very darkest moment in her life...

to be her strength...

but...

i can't do nothing...

i just pray that God would take my place...

and i know HE does...

still...

i want to be the one to cheer her up...

because...

hearing the joyful sound of her..

brings "life" back to my life....

anyways...

it's almost one week trough the struggle...

yeahhhh..

i'm still waiting....

but first...

i want to retreat and do some instropection of what i've been doing this week...

about what i've been through...

about the inaudible pain inside...

about this totally hurtful week...

but afterall..

just like what i always said to her...

"try to smile & cheer up!!!"...^^

*day 4...

guess what ??...

today is a rainy day...

the forecast could be right !!!...

NOOOOOOOO !!!!!!....

well...

last night...

the owner of "itsmydancingrainbow.blogspot.com" 's boyfriend, called me..

we are a close friend though...

he was talkin a lot about what happening in the 3rd day of his relationship...

LoL...

i laughed at that time...

i was thinking that his 3rd day being a new couple,

has a very little difference with my 3rd day of being someone who pursue...

man...

i was like...

ohhh...

so this is love ???...

yeah....

i bet...

today...

hmphh...

not bad...

tryin to act as usual.

LoL...

i got shocked up..

when she walk in to the piano room...

i don't plan for her to be there today..

i was just doing our class project...

but she went in...

and my hand was shaking like crazy...

i ended up playing those notes disastrously...

whoooo...

that's it for today...

back at home...

i text her...

and i am still doing that the time i wrote this...

my house was like hell this month...

it was like too many works to do..

so everybody got tired..

and they ended up scapegoating those who doesn't work...

it's me !!!!....

hwahhh...T.T