*accident ???!@#$%^&*()..

Tell me it's an accident...


The first time I heard that name, I was like totally freaking out !!...


I can barely escape from being ur partner...


but, time passes by...


this partner thingy stucks on my head...


after the moment...


still thinking about u...


the beauty that God made u so...


inside..


and outside.....


sweetheart...


can u please !!...get out of my head....


for 1 day ??..


just for tomorrow ???...


coz i can't really bare the pain...


the pain to hold back...


to keep silent...


I know that I was born this way...


nothing special at all....


in contrast,


u're like superstar...


with all that red carpet stuff....


and that blinky, shiny ,glowy jewelry...


u glance at me , that's when my world turned upside down....


one thing I'' never forget...


the day u pimp myself up !!...


I was the most proud guy at that room....


coz, i know it ain't my work...


instead...


its ur work dressing me over...


and i'm thankful of it...


we also shared alot...


all the attitude...


I don't give a damn about it...


as long we connect...


but now...


this sorry-ass dude got u bored...


I'm gonna chill out a day and see u at the next...


hope this ain't goodbye...


this is a retreat to bring us closer...


to make us deep...


ya know what I'm talking about ??


I'm sure u knew...


but the question is ??...


did u know about this ??...


let it be my inaudible whisper...


just so u know......

*where is the dead end ???

hav u ever being too afraid to lose sumone ?...


finding urself reminiscing the good old days...


hav u ever cryin bcoz of sumone that ain't yours ?...


curling up under the blanket,with eyes full of tears....


i have....yes i do..


giving up everything...


just to play the antagonist in her love story...


care bout no others...


only to realize that she was made for him...


only pain wait aheads...


tears is what you have...


no love at the end of the road...


but that was love is...


no love is a real sweet one...


from the very start...


now i realize that...


keep waiting for them...


but back off a little...


is a proof that we still love them right ??...


but still ain't a right word...


coz, i don't know when the feelings end....


or it would ever end....

*day ???....

i don't know...

after all this time...

i just feel that...

it really is the better way...

to pretend and keep on pretending like this...

i don't wanna ask...

coz in the end ..

it's always about him...

still...

it's ok...

i promised...

that i'll be fine...

i just need u to promise me...

dont pity me too much...

thats all...

can u do it...

i'm sure u can...

*day 7...

noooo....

SAT is ulitimately hard....

goshhhh...

gotta work real hard...

LoL...

not much to tell today..

it was just like yesterday...

nothing special...

but 1 thing is for sure..

that my feelings...

ain't fade..

still the same...

in fact..

it's getting stronger...

hmmm...

is this a just a feeling or ...???

whatever the answer...

i'd just let the time answer it...

right ???...

not much i can do..

but at the time like this...

i tried to listen to others problem...

tried to counsel them...

based on my experience..

i learnt here...

that people suffered far worst than me...

and i'm thankful for my circumstances....

whatever it is...

though i'm still struggling now...

but...

one day...

when the pain gone...

and when i open my eyes...

wake up from this terrible nightmare...

please....

be the first one that i see...

the first one in my sight....

*day 6...

cool day..!!!

though there's a cube of bitterness..

i still finish today's "coffee of life"....

coffee...

what a drink....

sometimes it tastes sweet..

sometimes it tastes bitter..

perfectly suited how life is...

LoL...

anyway...

a real cool day....

i've heard a lot of noise from her "gangs"...

saying that she gaves some signal or whatsoever...

later on..

i just act like ussual...

u know...

i really had this big questionmark....

how is my treat to u supposed to be ???..

bcoz...

i can't leave it like this...

the pain goes on..

though it's bearable...

it's still hurt somewhere...

but...

i'll be fine...

for now...

whatever...

lets put it aside...

i tried to find some distraction...

for instance...

playing basketball at night..

WOW...

guess it works...

but when i stop play...

that cloud comes again....

LoL..

i guess i still can't left it just like that....

it's ok...

i'll live carryin those clouds...

guess that's it for today...

*day 5...

pretty boring day...

with a lot of vacant time...

dunno what to do...

but somehow...

i managed to realize something different in her face today...

her eyes looked so red...

gosh...

looks like she's been droping her tears all night long...

i asked her...

she said yes...

then i asked why ??..

she refuse to tell me...

i kept pushing her to answer me ...

at the end...

she ended up lying to me...

she said that it was in the morning her eyes got dizzy...

so she scratch over it...

it was a "bull" right...

i know deep inside...

she was hurt..

by whatsoever....

man...

what can i do to help her ??...

i was just standing there..

refusing to accept what she said to me...

it was like trying to eat something inedible...

i really really don't want to see her cryin right now...

somewhere it hurts...

i feel like ..

i wanna cry with her...

stays with her in the very darkest moment in her life...

to be her strength...

but...

i can't do nothing...

i just pray that God would take my place...

and i know HE does...

still...

i want to be the one to cheer her up...

because...

hearing the joyful sound of her..

brings "life" back to my life....

anyways...

it's almost one week trough the struggle...

yeahhhh..

i'm still waiting....

but first...

i want to retreat and do some instropection of what i've been doing this week...

about what i've been through...

about the inaudible pain inside...

about this totally hurtful week...

but afterall..

just like what i always said to her...

"try to smile & cheer up!!!"...^^

*day 4...

guess what ??...

today is a rainy day...

the forecast could be right !!!...

NOOOOOOOO !!!!!!....

well...

last night...

the owner of "itsmydancingrainbow.blogspot.com" 's boyfriend, called me..

we are a close friend though...

he was talkin a lot about what happening in the 3rd day of his relationship...

LoL...

i laughed at that time...

i was thinking that his 3rd day being a new couple,

has a very little difference with my 3rd day of being someone who pursue...

man...

i was like...

ohhh...

so this is love ???...

yeah....

i bet...

today...

hmphh...

not bad...

tryin to act as usual.

LoL...

i got shocked up..

when she walk in to the piano room...

i don't plan for her to be there today..

i was just doing our class project...

but she went in...

and my hand was shaking like crazy...

i ended up playing those notes disastrously...

whoooo...

that's it for today...

back at home...

i text her...

and i am still doing that the time i wrote this...

my house was like hell this month...

it was like too many works to do..

so everybody got tired..

and they ended up scapegoating those who doesn't work...

it's me !!!!....

hwahhh...T.T

*day 3...

Whoaa...


what a sunnny day..


i heard that there wll be a flood coming at February...


gosh..


hope it was unreal !!!...


u know the sacred day of February rite ??...


the 14th..??


anyways...


things worked much better today...


through every single glance...


i saw a tiny piece of hope...


very tiny.....


in micro i guess...


or even nano....


well, perhaps...


but still,...


i can just walk right behind u at the school...


watching u...


coz i know...


i gotta keep my distance...


we sat fairly far today...


yeah...


it's okay...


that should kept me focused on the service..


but...


LoL...


i can't stop thinking and even worrying about her...


gosh...


i don't know if it's good or bad...


but...


it looks like...


i'm learning to happy with just a tiny piece of hope...


learn to be gratefull for that...


though sometimes....


i underestimated the 1 % chance u gave....


but who knows...


that i could turn into a big credit for me...???....


well..


who knows...


only heaven knows afterall ....

*day 2...

It's a nice day...

with a cold temperature....

just like me and her...

gotta real cold atmosphere between us...

imagine this...

no converstation !!!...

well, as expected...

but...

i'm fine...

what happened last night...

stays on last night...

those 3 words...

really means a lot for me...

and i meant it...

it meant just like what u heard...

I LOVE Y-O-U...

those 3 words...

does it works ??...

does it makes any change ??...

yeah girl...

let time answer it...

i'll wait for the answer...

because...

I LOVE Y-O-U...

those 3 words...

never ever been spilled out of my mouth to a girl..

i wonder if u are the first ??...

how could it be ??...

goshhh...xDD

and i never rephrased it so easily like yesterday...

maybe its because 3 words ,8 letters...

I LOVE Y-O-U...

those 3 words..

wonder if i can hear that from u'r mouth...

wonder if i can give u the some challenge...

wonder if 1 day...

u really feel it...

deep inside u'r heart...

and speak it slowly but sure to me...

say that...

I LOVE Y-O-U...

*day 1...

when i woke up...

i just hope that today will be alright...

i took a bath and do my ussual stuff..

in the car...

i heard one song...

my spirit was like burned at that time...

i feel like...

Hey, i'm back to my oldself !!!!!!...

next stop, school...

i said to myself...

Sam!!...be strong and gentle....

i walked through the front door calmly...

Everything was ok untill she came...

i was just about to say "hi" to her....

when the school bells rang...

suddenly...

i feel like...

i lost my guts !!!...

i was too afraid to even look at her face...

then..

it was the start of today's crap...

the school itself ,never ever been as boring as today...

but..it was just one day....

there will be many more after this...

and....

i wonder when it stops...

*me ??...

Today...

i wake up noticing that this is all true...

ussually, when unpleasant things happen...

i woke up early in d morning...

and i realize...

that it was all just a dream...

but...

this is not just about a simple nightmare...

where u can wake up and suddenly its all over...

this is real...

i still can't believe it sometimes...

when i close my eyes...

i hope that...

i would just wake up and everything back to normal...

but...

i know God still have a plan for me...

and for her...

also for him...

anyway...

today was great...

the time i spent...

although it's a last chance...

i don't know...

maybe someday.....

let us put it this way....

i'm okay with u being with him...

as long as u're happy...

that's all...

no need asking me to forget bout u..

because...

as i say...

i'll bury it inside.....

i pray that....

may God bless you with the happy ending...

the very happy ending...

where u can feel...

that u're really loved....

but, sometimes....

i wonder...

if that guy is me.....

*thank u...

i decided to take a loose....

after all....

through it all..

yeahhh....

u're not mine from the first....

but it's so whatever....

what important is....

i want u to be happy....

to become the one u've always wanted to be....

though it's not with me...

but with him...

still...i want the best for u...

b'coz loving someone...

means that we give the best for them....

seeing u happy is everything to me....

girl....

note that...

i made up this post...

not because i tried to confused u further...

but...

it's because i have nowhere to run...

only word by word knows what i trully mean...

each letter represent my feeling when i wrote this...

no tear was dropped outside...

but inside...

it flows like a stream....

and...

if by chance u read this....

just know that...

i won't let this feel gone...

otherwise, i'll keep it...

i'll bury it inside....

so this feel can prove itself...

that it's for real or not...

thanks for the happy momment...

even it dissappear in just one minute...

u may go...

but...

this memories stays with me....

thank u...




^^

*U say....I say....!?!?!?!?!!!...

u say that u're nothing...


i say , u're more than anything to me...


u say that u're not being loved...


I say , I love u more than anything....


u say that no one care about u....


I say , it's okay..ther's still Me....


u say that no one stay beside u....


I say , don't worry..i'll be there...


u say that people don't like u...


I say , as long as u still have Me, u'll make it through the rain...


u say u are like a trash that people throw on a garbage when they don't need u no more...


I say , I wanna pick up that sweet lil'trash , and take care of her...


u say that u're alone...


I say , there are two of us...


u say that u're unworthy...


I say , I don't care !!!!!...


u say that u're like a bad luck charm to others...


I say , I'll be the goodluck charm for u...


u say that u're a clumsy girl...


I say , that's what makes u cute....


u say that u'r appearance is like an "ugly betty"....


I say , whatever , u're My "princess betty"...


u say that too many problems awaits u...


I say , everything's gonna be alright...


u say that u're scared to face the future...


I say , don't worry , I'll be the one to walk u'r path with u...


u say that no one stays with me...


I say , I stay till d very last , to protect u , and to look after u...


.....~ FOREVER & EVER ~.....